Parenting is not for the faint-hearted
A weekly newsletter for parents
I fell down an online rabbit hole this week reading posts by people who are choosing not to have children and it was a tough read because it was largely judgemental, critical and a tad self absorbed.
If you don’t want kids, that’s fantastic, go you! I’m not going to say you are missing out or try to convince you of its joys because it’s also really challenging, hard work and it requires huge amounts of selflessness. It can take us to levels of exhaustion, despair and worry that we didn’t think were possible and during intense times it can feel like a test of endurance.
With parenting comes everybody’s opinions and we all do it differently. I had several arguments with my dad who thought I should be tougher on my babies because he thought co-sleeping, breastfeeding and cuddles were pandering to their needs. And after reading posts in that online forum this week, I’ve realised it’s not just men of a certain age who think these things.
The thing about being a parent is that we do have to make sacrifices, we are all making it up, we all get things wrong, it can be far from fun and we all make mistakes but the one thing that makes a difference is to do what feels right for us and our children.
Yesterday, I watched a mum walking at pace along the pavement: she had a toddler in a buggy and a young baby in a sling. She looked exhausted as she tried to calm her crying baby while also answering the questions of her toddler. She could have been on her way to a toddler group or desperately trying to get home from nursery before she pees herself.
This is just one example of the everyday life we don’t expect when we become a parent. Others that spring to mind are having to get out in the rain because your baby needs a nap, clearing up sick at 2am and then parenting when you get the sick bug but your child is now fine and sitting in a cool bath with your young child to bring down their temperature.
When it rains I always notice the mums who are soaked and stressed with babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers, getting where they need to be as quickly as possible
The love we can feel as a parent is beyond measure, along with a fierce protectiveness and pride but this doesn’t exist in isolation. Whether we have a baby or a teenager, there can be a real joy but it can also force us to dig deep to find more energy, confidence, identity, happiness and the ability to keep the juggle going. `
I have cried with exhaustion, frustration, worry and guilt and, at times, I have lost myself. But having children has given me substance and meaning, they make me so happy and content and I love spending time with them even if the worry never ends and I have been known to scream into a pillow.
Speak soon
Jx